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?Hangoverz?
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well.
However,
you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.
For some reason, you are craving a steak & chips.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have
the mental
capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
the kebab from the
3:00 AM Kebab House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three
Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks
by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would
be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Sabrina reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee,
a gallon of water, 3 teas and a Coke --- yet you
haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already lambasted
you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that
you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.)
Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in
perpetual spasm, and the first of
about five shits you take during the day
brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star
Hangover, (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the
next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore
and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners
of your
mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop
fairy out. Your body has lost
the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger
was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a
fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented
fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown
in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water
all
over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT
TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks,
but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer,
isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
What not to do when you are drunk...
Dont try to kiss the cop
Dont go kissing your bestfriends boyfriend! thats a no
no!
Dont drink MORE when u cant think strait or see strait
Dancing is ok but not naked on top of the bar table
Dont start making out with ur girlfriends!
If ur boyfriend is there dont start makin out with his
friend or anyone else
Throw up in the toilet not your friends shirt
no need to yell sexual shit
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